What’s Making You Unapproachable? Your Entourage!

Recently I’ve received a number of emails from people what they can do to be more approachable at networking events.  They feel like they’re the ones who primarily initiate conversation, but would prefer for people to approach them.  Each week, I’ll write about what you may be doing to deter potential contacts from approaching you, and offer solutions to these challenges.

This week, let’s talk about bringing a group of friends to a networking event:

If you’ve decided to start attending formal networking events, but you’re uncomfortable attending on your own, I understand.  It doesn’t seem natural or genuine to show up at a downtown hotel wearing business attire, with the expectation that you will connect with a group of strangers.  So what did you do?  You convinced co-workers or classmates to come along with you.

Great strategy … except you haven’t been bringing 1 or 2 comfort blankets, you’ve been bringing a protective entourage of 4 or 5 people!  While bringing a group of colleagues along with you may work to your advantage during an particularly large event – since you could split up and meet as many people as you can, so that collectively, you will have spoken to every person in the room – but chances are, you’re just meeting with friends and standing in the corner until some poor bloke is able to squeeze into your little circle.

Think about this practically – Jessica decided to bring 3 friends to a networking event.  None of her friends have been to a networking event before, and so the three friends cling to each other, making a small circle.  Philip has just arrived, and sees that there are four girls engaged in conversation, and then sees a woman standing by herself.  He approaches the woman standing alone, perhaps not because she looks left out of the conversation, but because it is less intimidating for him to approach a single person rather than a group of people.

The other problem with bringing an entourage to an event is that people tend to do what feels more comfortable.  In this case, that means sticking with your friends and chatting with them.  Perhaps you’ll look over your shoulder to see who may be looking to have a chat, but for the most part, you’ll isolate yourselves.  Students do this all the time – a group of 8 will attend an event, and they’ll spend the whole evening huddled together.  But that wasn’t why you put on a suit – you packed up your new business cards because your intention was to meet new people.

It irks me when people say that networking is a shallow practice that involves shaking a lot of hands and carrying handfuls of business cards.  It’s not about that – it’s about making new connections.  When you do attend a formal networking event, you want to make significant connections rather than a hundred superficial ones.  If you feel more comfortable attending an event with a friend, then bring no more than one.  That way, it feels more natural when you are separated, and at the very least, you know that you won’t necessarily be standing by yourself at any given time.